Finals!

Today I drove back to Amherst to take my only final.
It went pretty well.
Then I got a call from a store asking me to come in for a job interview, so that's good.
Hung out with my friends for a while and treated them to dinner.

I almost talked to him today, just to figure out if he'd be giving me my dvd back, but I didn't.
Because I already know he'll be mailing it, and I know that if I talked to him, it wouldn't just be about that.

I miss him so much. But I think I'm getting better.

Lots of unpacking

Today, no job applications, no going out anywhere. So I finally unpacked the boxes from my dorm.
Haven't exactly finished them though. I just got worn out after like 5 or 6.

I've still been thinking about Mike, but it hurts slightly less.
The issue on my mind today is the idea that I just wasn't good enough for him. and to get a new guy I'll have to be better.
My friends have assured me that's not it, and even he said that's not it, but I think everyone is lying or wrong. I suck.

I did have a dream last night that I found a new guy. Progress?

And more job applications!

Today was more job applications. So many, but I think I'm done.
Except for the handful of online applications I remember I'm going to have to fill out. great.

By tomorrow, I'll be done. Then it's (hopefully) time for interviews.

I haven't thought about Mike much today. It hurts still, but it's really not a constant on my mind.
Right now, I'm missing the physical part most actually. I liked being kissed.

Well crap, now I'm thinking about him and it's hurting more.

I'm just going to cut this post short and go back to watching Wife Swap.

Job applications

Today I went to a job interview at Macy's. I was told if I didn't have to go back to school, I could have worked there.
oh well.

The Macy's was in a mall that I last went to with Mike. I found it hard not to cry over him while I was there, but I managed. No tears.
Not to say that I haven't cried today, I just didn't do it in public.
I was mad at him for a little while today. I thought if I saw him I would punch him in his stupid face for leaving me.
Now I'm not so mad, but I miss him a lot. I miss having someone to talk to about everything all the time. I miss feeling that anything I plan in the future, I won't be alone. Now I'm scared I'll be alone for years.

Today is hard.

Today has been a long and crazy day.
I got up early to drive my mom to work so I could have the car for the day. Then I went back to sleep.
Got up again, went out searching for jobs. Applied at a day camp for kids--it looks just like this place that I used to go to as a kid, Discovery Zone. That would be an awesome place to work.
Went to a restaurant, didn't apply. They were closed and something about the area just made me feel eh.
Went to a game store, was told they weren't hiring, but I bought a game anyways.
I just wanted my own copy of Bang, okay?

Then, I rehearsed some songs for the community theater auditions I'll be going to. I unpacked a bit, washed some clothes, made an appointment for one job interview and turned down another (they could only offer 6-10 hours a week), and drove back out to pick my mom up from work.

I am exhausted. I'm excited at all the new prospects I have--auditions! job interviews!
but I miss him so much that I'm not as happy as I should be.

Luckily, I saw some Ben & Jerry's in the freezer, so that'll cheer me up.

Back home

Today I moved out of my dorm, and I'm back home.

It's a little easier. I wouldn't be seeing him anyways now.

Going to ABC yesterday was pretty awesome. I got some hard cider and got drunk, woo. (I am 21, just to clarify.)

I'm really tired right now. Not quite used to blogging every day yet. Besides, I'm not interesting yet. I will be, I promise!

Getting better

Today I went a whole 2 hours without thinking about Mike (the ex).
Of course, when I realized that, I started thinking about him again, and then started crying.

I'm at a weird place. I'm realizing that I'll be okay if I don't have him anymore, I can survive on my own, but then I'm also thinking I will never love again.

It's too early to be in love again, though, isn't it?

I don't know what I'm doing with myself.

Today is my last day of classes. Meaning all we did was turn in final papers and deal with evaluations. Pretty boring, pretty easy.

In another hour, I'm heading to ABC (Amherst Brewing Company) to get drunk with some classmates. Never been there before. I'll tell all about it tomorrow.

Tomorrow, I go home. Get out of here where I keep picturing him all the time, get back to a place that reminds me of childhood, but not really because I moved to MA when I was 16. It still reminds me of a time before Mike. I need that now.