Early post today

I try to get a post done every day after I get the things I need to get done out of the way.
I finished all that early.
It feels nice.

I'm more social today and missing people less. Although I still miss my friends, and Kyle, it doesn't hurt as bad as it did.

I'm so lonely.

I miss my friends back home.
I know at this point it's only one year, and then I'm pretty much going to be Boston fulltime. That's my plan, anyways.
But it still hurts a lot.
I feel like there's no one to talk to about random things.
There's no one who cares about my professors being anti sci-fi, which is usually one of my favorite rants.
I've talked enough about Kyle, but I miss him so bad too. If he has time for video games, why does he never have time for a skype call?

I'm sick of crying.
 It's 3 weeks until I go home for a visit. That's a long time.

I just want to reach out to someone and say make me less lonely. Ideally, yeah, Kyle, but he's not here right now.
No one's here right now.

Perry since chances are you've found this blog by now and are my only reader at the moment, maybe you'll talk to me. Even though I really don't want to be friends with you, talking to you is at least better than being so totally alone.

What now?

It feels weird, my internship being over and now I have a lot less to do.
I get paid in 2 days.

I got out of work an hour early. I like getting out of work early.

I have nothing to do and it's just. weird.

Abandoned!

I went to hang out with Kyle today. We had a whole evening together planned.
Then his friends (well also my friends, really, but they're closer with him) called up and invited him for a night out drinking.

I could have gone, they did invite me, but I had shit to do. But I still got my time in bed with Kyle and I got to have dinner with him.
of course the dinner was with Logan hanging around and they were talking about con stuff I'm not supposed to know about...

can I just say though, I've suddenly stumbled into having a place in the brony fandom. I'm dating one of the council members of Bronycon. And I...am not sure if I can say what else I'm doing. No one reads this blog. but just in case.

But yeah. it's cool having a spot. Maybe I'll eventually get to the point that people know who I am? Probably not. But I get to know some things before other people.

Not that I'll tell you.

Why am I doing this?

I've been keeping this blog up for almost two months now, and I've only gotten one comment.

To be fair, I have no good idea of how long a blog takes to get off the ground.

I don't want to drop everything and be a full-time blogger (although skipping out on McDonald's would be fantastic) but I do want to feel like I'm not alone when I'm whining about missing Mike or how much my job sucks or how I have no time to do anything.

But the fact is right now I am alone. I just don't want to be.

So, the question's back: why do I continue blogging? Half the time I forget about it and post something lazy and short.

There's no answer that I can think of. I just know I have no plans to stop.

I'm writing about a journey of getting over my first love. That journey isn't over. I cried about him just a few hours ago. Okay, I was listening to Adele, so that didn't help, but still.

That journey may never be over. Who knows?

work

I was called in to work at 6am this morning.
I realized I didn't have my good shoes from last year, so I had to wear crappy ones that killed my feet.

work was okay, just a bit long and I was really tired.
I went to the mall with dad after work to get my phone fixed. And I got new shoes for my terrible sore feet.

and then I spent the afternoon crying about Mike.
I miss him too much.

Today is a hard day (and short break)

Everyone who blogs tells me taking a single day off will kill the blog and now no one will read it.
No one's reading it anyways, so...
I'm going to a renaissance faire tomorrow. it's out near western mass, and I've been there with Mike before.
Now I'm going with a friend who lives in the area.

Today is like yesterday. One of those days where it's just so hard to move on. I keep thinking maybe he'll show up at the faire and say he wants me back.
but I know, he won't.
He does know that I'm going. He wanted to go to the faire too, so I told him which weekend I was going so we could avoid each other. So I guess if he really wanted to, he could show up...but I know it'll just hurt me more if I think like that.

tbh right now I just want someone. it doesn't really have to be him, even though that would be great. being alone is sad.
maybe there'll be a cute guy at the faire. who knows.

Today isn't special

As much as I would like to tell you about my interesting life, every single day, not every day is that special.
I didn't even leave the house except to go to the post office.

Right now, I'm watching I Am Legend. so far it's a good movie. This scene right now where Will Smith is flirting with a mannequin, that's creepy.
Idk if I'll like this movie because I know how it'll end. Plus I've read the book, so that always taints things.

Today would be when I would hear about callbacks for one of my auditions, but I'm not hearing anything. Sad.

Broken tooth

Last night my tooth fell out.
To be clear, the crown of an implant fell out. Yes, I have a fake tooth.

Went to the dentist today to get it fixed. Wasn't really a problem, but the cement tastes bad and bleh.

I haven't cried (yet) today over the boy, but I just can't stop thinking about him.

I'm starting to realize that maybe I can love someone else, eventually. Not yet, but no one expects me to get over a 2 year relationship in 2 weeks.
Then my worry becomes: will anyone ever love me?
I thought it was a miracle that Mike ever liked me. I do have such low self-esteem that a large part of me feels like I'm not worthy of being loved. I'm not good enough. I felt like this long before I'd met Mike, and now I'm going to feel the same way for probably a long time again.

I can get used to being single, but I had this brief shining moment of being truly happy. I won't feel like that ever again.

Job applications

Today I went to a job interview at Macy's. I was told if I didn't have to go back to school, I could have worked there.
oh well.

The Macy's was in a mall that I last went to with Mike. I found it hard not to cry over him while I was there, but I managed. No tears.
Not to say that I haven't cried today, I just didn't do it in public.
I was mad at him for a little while today. I thought if I saw him I would punch him in his stupid face for leaving me.
Now I'm not so mad, but I miss him a lot. I miss having someone to talk to about everything all the time. I miss feeling that anything I plan in the future, I won't be alone. Now I'm scared I'll be alone for years.