dreams

I had a bizarre dream about Kyle last night that today is just throwing me off.
it would be better if I could talk to him, but knowing him, he won't be online for a while.

craaaaaaaaaaamps

Craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamps

also I got kicked out of a singing contest today and that makes me a sad.

why do I suck?

Trying to plan a party, but can't get ahold of people I want to go to it.

so that's. frustrating.
it's going to be the last time I see Kyle before I go back to school, too, so it has to happen.

but if I don't see him? I think I'll be okay.
He told me that he loves me last night.
We're going to try to have skype dates when we can.
I'm going to miss him so much, but I think we'll be okay.

Bad bad bad day

I don't feel like going through all this again, I'll just copy/paste what I wrote to Kyle.

[5:43:33 PM] just.steph: I'm gonna talk at you anyways. I cried at work today.
[5:44:18 PM] just.steph: I have one manager who I hate working with because he doesn't even try to talk to me. He gets my attention by snapping his fingers and then just kind of waves at whatever I'm supposed to take care of. And then he yells at me when I inevitably mess up whatever I was doing because I didn't understand him in the first place!
[5:45:43 PM] just.steph: and then I get home and try to work on my stuff and my computer breaks. it's an easy fix but I made the mistake of whining in mane chat and that set off Perry, and that is why I'm now gone from there.
[5:46:52 PM] just.steph: and on top of this, I feel fat today. doesn't help any.
[5:48:55 PM] just.steph: and there was a bit of good news-my article for a website people have actually heard of was accepted with minimal corrections. I can keep writing for this site and get paid up to $50 per article. it's really worth it. but among all the crap, it feels like even if I told people about this, no one would care.

Of course, Kyle hasn't responded to any of this. because he's tired from his own long day. I understand that and I'll let him be without bugging him any more than all that up there. but it'd still be nice to get a bit of sympathy from him. or from anyone.
instead my parents just ignore me because I'm apparently whining and they can't stand to listen to me.

I am dying.

I just feel crazy sick today.

I also feel weird about Kyle. it feels for some reason like he doesn't want to spend time with me.
And I know he does. He spent all morning with me and was going to try his best to be here later today. He can't.
Now he won't text much, but I get that's because he doesn't have unlimited texts. He has to watch that limit.
I don't know why it feels like he doesn't like me when I know 100% that isn't true.
I'll see him tomorrow. And I spent all last night with him. Why isn't that good enough?

because he just texted me saying he isn't sure he'll be able to hang out with me tomorrow.
is there something wrong with me?

Today is sad.

Look normally I just whine about my life, but let's whine about something else today.

The Batman shooting. Is that what people are calling it? you know what I mean. The shooting at the premiere of the Batman movie.
It's sad. it's way more important than my work troubles. People are dead and while they know who did it, they don't know why.
Shooting always seems like a personal thing. It's murder, and you expect that the murderer has a connection with his victim.

But this time, this guy just shot randomly. Didn't know his victims. Didn't care.
That's gotta be hard for the families. Their loved one is dead and there is no reason.