A day off is wonderful.

I haven't slept much today tbh. But I've gotten ahead on so much that I wanted to do, so I'm in a good mood.

but rushing off to a movie now so short post today!

emails

I had this post all set to go about how today sucked at work and I'm tired and blah.

Then right before I started typing, Mike emailed me.

He sent me the lyrics to the Beaver Song from HIMYM. He is a dork.
and I realized. I don't really have him around anymore, but I haven't totally lost him. I still have him emailing me about things we both find funny.

Now all I have to do is not be in love with that dork and I'll be good.
easier said than done.

Busy busy busy

THERE IS SO MUCH TO DO AND SO LITTLE TIME TO DO IT IN
WHY DO I HAVE TO WORK SO MUCH

Why am I doing this?

I've been keeping this blog up for almost two months now, and I've only gotten one comment.

To be fair, I have no good idea of how long a blog takes to get off the ground.

I don't want to drop everything and be a full-time blogger (although skipping out on McDonald's would be fantastic) but I do want to feel like I'm not alone when I'm whining about missing Mike or how much my job sucks or how I have no time to do anything.

But the fact is right now I am alone. I just don't want to be.

So, the question's back: why do I continue blogging? Half the time I forget about it and post something lazy and short.

There's no answer that I can think of. I just know I have no plans to stop.

I'm writing about a journey of getting over my first love. That journey isn't over. I cried about him just a few hours ago. Okay, I was listening to Adele, so that didn't help, but still.

That journey may never be over. Who knows?

I'm not good with schedules okay

Yesterday was website day.

http://www.myfridgefood.com/

A cool site that gives you the answer when you're staring in your fridge and don't know what to eat. Put in what you have, and get a recipe!


and as for me today? I'm okay, but tired.

Oh.

I'm talking to Mike again today and it is really hard.
I just want to scream at him WHY AREN'T I GOOD ENOUGH?
but I'm restraining myself.

I did finally ask him why he dumped me right before finals. I don't feel like sharing the answer, but I'm satisfied with it.
I miss him, and I miss having a boyfriend, but I'm at a point where I don't miss him as a boyfriend. I think it's a good point to be at, but it still really sucks.

I want to stop crying.

Meetup day!

I ran a meetup today and it was fun times.
Went to Kimball Farms, met a bunch of people, got ice cream, and played minigolf and arcade games.
Lost terribly at all the games, still had fun.
Saw some bees and didn't freak out! woohoo!

Brought everyone back to my house and we played some DDR, watched ponies.

It's been a good day.

Bronies are cool people.

Went to a meetup today. It was just a meeting to hang out, eat pizza and drink cider, and watch an episode. Plus we sang pony songs.

I'm tired now but it was a good day.

Talked to a guy. That was fun.

So very tired now. Maybe I should move blogging to earlier in the day? I'm always too tired to blog.

I don't know

I don't feel like blogging today.

A customer threw money at me. Like, not just down on the counter, literally hurled coins at my face.

It did not put me  in a good mood.

Long day

Today has been long but okay.
I've thought about Mike, I've been stuck in the kitchen at work, I'm behind on my stuff, friend drama, and things all happen.
But I'm okay. I got nothing to complain about (except the heat). I have the honest sense that even though today wasn't perfect, things are going to get better. Soon.

Coughing annoys me

Sometimes I have to wonder if other people are like this too or if I'm just weird.
I cannot stand the sound of someone coughing.
It makes me cringe and makes me want to scream at them to stop. I know they can't, but I can't handle the noise either.

In other news, my mouth hurts because I got veneers replaced on my teeth today. 8 shots of novocaine. lucky me.

I'm good.

Today is the first day in a long time that I have really felt good.
Maybe that hypnosis yesterday worked? idk.

Oh yeah, I got hypnotized yesterday.
I'm trying to get over my fear of bees/general anxiety.
The anxiety is less today, despite still waking up at 5 and not having my computer all okay. So maybe I'm okay.

Bad Day

1. woke up at 5
2. worked with the manager that I don't really like too much
3. worked 8 hours
4. bought a drink on my break and had it thrown away before I was done
5. found out my computer sucks and one of my programs has stopped working
6. the only way to repair it may be to install a new os
7. this made me had a panic attack

but everything is somehow okay now

website day:  http://4hcomic.com/?p=104
I get bingo almost every discussion now.

Tired.

I want to wake up without an alarm clock again and it will be two weeks until I do so.
Sleep is my best friend.

Today was all work and ugh tired

Somtimes I don't like being a girl.

Went to a brony meetup today. Only girl there.
This is not an unusual thing.

What was unusual was some of the guys were blatantly staring at me the whole time. Sometimes at my chest, sometimes just staring at me like "why is a girl here?"

It was uncomfortable and so I left early.

I don't want to be one of those girls who whines about being objectified and then turns around and asks for attention because of her looks. I'm not doing this to you, imaginary readers, because you don't know what I look like. But I do like to be thought of as pretty, and honestly, a subtle glance at my chest would have been kind of flattering.
But being stared at is just creepy. Tell me I'm pretty, fine. Wild sex fantasies about me? Sure, just don't let me know about them. Undressing me with your eyes when I'm stuck in a room with you and not stopping when I'm clearly skeeved out? NO. (unless you're Mike, but if you've read any other blog post here you know that won't happen.)

Other brony guys are great. Just not the ones today.

Long day

Things that happened today:
1. work
2. sat in traffic for an hour and a half
3. pony karaoke
4. pass out in exhaustion
5. not think about Mike. this makes it a good day.

Anddd I forgot to do an article thing yesterday, so here's one now:

Laura Jane Grace may not be a name you recognize. But maybe you have heard of Tom Gabel, lead singer of Against Me!

They’re actually the same person.

Tom Gabel has recently come out as transgendered, and plans to live her life as a woman. She’s hoping that her fans will accept her, and she plans on continuing to make music.

And it seems that so far, the fans don’t have a problem with her announcement. Comments from the fans are generally supportive, even if they sometimes use the wrong pronoun.

“good for him for being honest wish u a happy life Tom Gabel I love him”

“More power to her, that's some brave s--- right there.”

“Other people going through similar situations need to know they're not alone. “

The president of GLAAD (Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation) has said, “Tom is displaying extraordinary courage by coming out as transgender after already establishing herself as a rock star. For many of the band's fans, this may be the first time they're actually thinking about transgender people and the bravery it sometimes takes in order to be true to yourself.”

So what this situation comes to is that no one is angry with Tom for her decision. No one is offended. Her fans, many of whom do not understand what it means to be transgendered, support her and wish her the best.

Her brave announcement has proven that people can accept what society has long deemed unacceptable. Views of transgendered people are changing, and hopefully soon everyone will understand and accept them.

I'm stupid

Thanks for making me feel like an idiot, Mike.
Thanks for dumping me two weeks before finals, because I'm not worth waiting those two weeks when I was leaving for home anyways.
Thanks for making me think that I'm a useless piece of crap and no one will ever love me again.
Thanks for telling me I'm not enough for you. Who am I enough for, then?
Thanks for leaving me and forgetting about me. Two years means nothing to you, I get it.

I really hope you're happy, because I'm a fucking mess.

uggggh

COSPLAY IS HARD
end of post. sorry. Have to go run out to Joanns to find a NEW pattern

Work and stress

Here is a list of all I am currently working on:
-my actual job
-2 paid writing jobs (which I am so glad I've got but they do take time)
-working for my dad whenever he needs me to
-Lyra cosplay
-Celestia and Luna cosplay
-mane 6 gala dresses cosplay
-another cosplay that's a secret
-painting a Rainbow Dash on a camera case
-voice acting
-videos of myself singing for my youtube account
-cleaning out my basement
-a puzzle
-planning when I can go to meetups
-cooking dinner a few times a week
-creating a pony-based game
-this blog

Yeah, so my life would be a lot less busy if I wasn't working on anything pony related, but then that wouldn't be fun, would it? Seriously, most of my friends I now know through ponies.

but it's just a lot to do in what feels like absolutely no time.

Work is hard.

I miss being able to sleep in to whenever without an alarm waking me up.
I miss having time to do all the things I want to do.
And I miss Mike.

Website of the week:
http://www.mccormick.com/Recipes/Breakfast-Brunch/Quick-and-Easy-French-Toast.aspx

I can't remember why I favorited this one, but french toast is awesome.

Granitecon!

I went to granitecon today and it was a fun time.
Met a ton of other girls who are into ponies, and finally got enough girls to do a cosplay I've been planning.

aaand now I'm tired!

burrito.

The title of this post comes from the fact I am eating a burrito while typing it.

So today I got to see Lanie, an old friend from high school. It was nice to hang out with her again.

And then the rest of today has been catching up with all my things to do. So it's been good.

I'm so tired of being busy.

I like being busy, but I'm tired of the constant feeling that I just do not have enough time to even exist.

Although it's helping me talk to Mike about stuff. I'm too tired to care that he dumped me.

Article: Summer drinks

Today's post is super late because I've been busy.
um...yeah.
Article day I think?

Best summer drinks (most of which I have not tried):

Long Island Iced Tea

1 part vodka
1 part tequila
1 part rum
1 part gin
1 part triple sec
1 1/2 parts sweet and sour mix
1 splash Coca-Cola®

It doesn’t really taste like iced tea. But it can get you drunk pretty fast.

Pina Colada

3 oz light rum
3 tbsp coconut cream
3 tbsp crushed pineapple

With all these sweet and tasty ingredients, how can you go wrong?

Margarita

1 1/2 oz tequila
1/2 oz triple sec
1 oz lime juice

Classic drink if you want to get crazy drunk.

Sangria

1 Bottle of red wine

1 Lemon cut into wedges

1 Orange cut into wedges

2 Tbsp sugar

2 Cups ginger ale or club soda

Sangria is just awesome. Good for a casual drink with friends.

This drink has no name ‘cause I made it up

16 oz water with 1 pack Crystal Light White Cranberry Peach

1 shot raspberry vodka

I originally named this Korra because I was watching The Legend of Korra at the time, but I’d also already had three or four of them and I was pretty drunk. So now idk about the name. but this tastes like candy and it’s good.

headache

talked to Mike again, cried, now I have a headache.
The headache is also partly because I worked through lunch. I have so many things to do I can't stand it.

A guy started flirting with me online. I don't know what to think about that.

I have no more time ugh

Today has been LONG.
Got up at 5. Worked for seven hours. Took a break to catch up on things that I haven't done, and then went out to Boston to meet some bronies and watch the Venus transit. Didn't see the transit because it was cloudy, but we hung out at Starbucks and watched the webcast from NASA. Ran some errands after the meetup and made it home around 10.

And I've also agreed to do more writing work, more VA work, and now I'm taking painting commissions. In addition to continuing McDonald's and keeping up with exercising, seeing bronies on weekends, and eventually summer classes.

Well at least I'll be too busy to care about Mike, eh?

ugh

Mike continues to email me.
I had to tell him to stop. Hearing from him was hurting too much. I started hoping that maybe he still really loved me and I can't let myself think that.

Work today was long and I'm tired, but I managed to catch up on all the things I needed to do so I'm good.

Today is talking about a site I have favorited again? okay.

http://www.marieclaire.com/celebrity-lifestyle/articles/livingalonerecipes
This site's got a bunch of recipes to cook for one person, which clearly I need a lot of now.
Except not because I cook for my parents too, but sometimes it can be kind of fun to be cynical, you know?

Talked to him.

I talked to Mike yesterday.
Didn't go as badly as I thought I would. I miss him a lot and I want him back, but it's nice to know that he's doing well, and that he does care how I'm doing.
I don't know if he misses me, but I hope he does.

I went to a roleplay with some bronies today and it was fun times.
but now I'm really tired.

Games today

Went to a new meetup group for gaming.
The games were fun, but the people made me feel just a little eh. None were my age and it slightly weirded me out. I felt like I was intruding on some other family's game night, since there legit was a family there...
then I came home and I've been working on quite a few projects. It's fun to be so busy.

I meant to email Mike today. Because, I don't know, I told myself I would talk to him.
And uh. I haven't done that. I will. Maybe.

So tired

Got called into work, now my feet hurt and I'm exhausted.

Got my mind off Mike though. until right now.