I'm so lonely.

I miss my friends back home.
I know at this point it's only one year, and then I'm pretty much going to be Boston fulltime. That's my plan, anyways.
But it still hurts a lot.
I feel like there's no one to talk to about random things.
There's no one who cares about my professors being anti sci-fi, which is usually one of my favorite rants.
I've talked enough about Kyle, but I miss him so bad too. If he has time for video games, why does he never have time for a skype call?

I'm sick of crying.
 It's 3 weeks until I go home for a visit. That's a long time.

I just want to reach out to someone and say make me less lonely. Ideally, yeah, Kyle, but he's not here right now.
No one's here right now.

Perry since chances are you've found this blog by now and are my only reader at the moment, maybe you'll talk to me. Even though I really don't want to be friends with you, talking to you is at least better than being so totally alone.

Bad bad bad day

I don't feel like going through all this again, I'll just copy/paste what I wrote to Kyle.

[5:43:33 PM] just.steph: I'm gonna talk at you anyways. I cried at work today.
[5:44:18 PM] just.steph: I have one manager who I hate working with because he doesn't even try to talk to me. He gets my attention by snapping his fingers and then just kind of waves at whatever I'm supposed to take care of. And then he yells at me when I inevitably mess up whatever I was doing because I didn't understand him in the first place!
[5:45:43 PM] just.steph: and then I get home and try to work on my stuff and my computer breaks. it's an easy fix but I made the mistake of whining in mane chat and that set off Perry, and that is why I'm now gone from there.
[5:46:52 PM] just.steph: and on top of this, I feel fat today. doesn't help any.
[5:48:55 PM] just.steph: and there was a bit of good news-my article for a website people have actually heard of was accepted with minimal corrections. I can keep writing for this site and get paid up to $50 per article. it's really worth it. but among all the crap, it feels like even if I told people about this, no one would care.

Of course, Kyle hasn't responded to any of this. because he's tired from his own long day. I understand that and I'll let him be without bugging him any more than all that up there. but it'd still be nice to get a bit of sympathy from him. or from anyone.
instead my parents just ignore me because I'm apparently whining and they can't stand to listen to me.

hm.

I spent the afternoon crying and helping Kyle pack.

wow, sounds like he's moving far away, doesn't it? no. he's going to a different dorm.

The crying was a little bit him, mostly someone else. It's SO MUCH DRAMA and I can't even talk about it.

Parasprite Infestation.

Look, some people who never read this will know what I'm talking about when I say we need to stop our Perry-sprite infestation

I THOUGHT IT WAS A CLEVER PUN OKAY

awkwardness

Look, I do love my grandma, but sometimes it's extremely frustrating to have another person around and I can't be me.
I can't watch what I want on TV and I can't do my normal things.
and I can't just leave to do what I want because then I'm not "socializing".

Let's be honest, fucking socializing is the worst.

Bad Day Turned Good

I had a crap day.
No sleep, work was slow periods followed by crazy busy periods, got yelled at, then had three people drop out of a project I'm doing.

so I started venting to Kyle.
he invited me over.
He's amazing at making me feel better. he said I'm beautiful and sexy and it's great just knowing that he really likes me. for me.
And I really like him too. We work well together.

Anyways when I got back home, we had two new people joining the project and picking up the weight. Thank you new people!

and thank you Kyle. :)

Mike found out about Kyle.
It's just. awkward.
But it shouldn't be. Mike and I are friends, and I'm really happy with Kyle.
It's not like I was keeping Kyle a secret.

Although Kyle doesn't really know I'm talking to Mike. I'm not exactly keeping that a secret either. It just hasn't come up in conversation.

Why do I feel kind of wrong about this? I don't have feelings for Mike anymore. I can say that completely honestly now.

More dentist fun

By fun I mean not fun at all.
2 shots, more drilling, but my teeth finally look good and I think that it's done.
...except one of the veneers feels loose now.

ugh

Busy busy busy

THERE IS SO MUCH TO DO AND SO LITTLE TIME TO DO IT IN
WHY DO I HAVE TO WORK SO MUCH

Why am I doing this?

I've been keeping this blog up for almost two months now, and I've only gotten one comment.

To be fair, I have no good idea of how long a blog takes to get off the ground.

I don't want to drop everything and be a full-time blogger (although skipping out on McDonald's would be fantastic) but I do want to feel like I'm not alone when I'm whining about missing Mike or how much my job sucks or how I have no time to do anything.

But the fact is right now I am alone. I just don't want to be.

So, the question's back: why do I continue blogging? Half the time I forget about it and post something lazy and short.

There's no answer that I can think of. I just know I have no plans to stop.

I'm writing about a journey of getting over my first love. That journey isn't over. I cried about him just a few hours ago. Okay, I was listening to Adele, so that didn't help, but still.

That journey may never be over. Who knows?

Coughing annoys me

Sometimes I have to wonder if other people are like this too or if I'm just weird.
I cannot stand the sound of someone coughing.
It makes me cringe and makes me want to scream at them to stop. I know they can't, but I can't handle the noise either.

In other news, my mouth hurts because I got veneers replaced on my teeth today. 8 shots of novocaine. lucky me.

Bad Day

1. woke up at 5
2. worked with the manager that I don't really like too much
3. worked 8 hours
4. bought a drink on my break and had it thrown away before I was done
5. found out my computer sucks and one of my programs has stopped working
6. the only way to repair it may be to install a new os
7. this made me had a panic attack

but everything is somehow okay now

website day:  http://4hcomic.com/?p=104
I get bingo almost every discussion now.

Somtimes I don't like being a girl.

Went to a brony meetup today. Only girl there.
This is not an unusual thing.

What was unusual was some of the guys were blatantly staring at me the whole time. Sometimes at my chest, sometimes just staring at me like "why is a girl here?"

It was uncomfortable and so I left early.

I don't want to be one of those girls who whines about being objectified and then turns around and asks for attention because of her looks. I'm not doing this to you, imaginary readers, because you don't know what I look like. But I do like to be thought of as pretty, and honestly, a subtle glance at my chest would have been kind of flattering.
But being stared at is just creepy. Tell me I'm pretty, fine. Wild sex fantasies about me? Sure, just don't let me know about them. Undressing me with your eyes when I'm stuck in a room with you and not stopping when I'm clearly skeeved out? NO. (unless you're Mike, but if you've read any other blog post here you know that won't happen.)

Other brony guys are great. Just not the ones today.

Article: Summer drinks

Today's post is super late because I've been busy.
um...yeah.
Article day I think?

Best summer drinks (most of which I have not tried):

Long Island Iced Tea

1 part vodka
1 part tequila
1 part rum
1 part gin
1 part triple sec
1 1/2 parts sweet and sour mix
1 splash Coca-Cola®

It doesn’t really taste like iced tea. But it can get you drunk pretty fast.

Pina Colada

3 oz light rum
3 tbsp coconut cream
3 tbsp crushed pineapple

With all these sweet and tasty ingredients, how can you go wrong?

Margarita

1 1/2 oz tequila
1/2 oz triple sec
1 oz lime juice

Classic drink if you want to get crazy drunk.

Sangria

1 Bottle of red wine

1 Lemon cut into wedges

1 Orange cut into wedges

2 Tbsp sugar

2 Cups ginger ale or club soda

Sangria is just awesome. Good for a casual drink with friends.

This drink has no name ‘cause I made it up

16 oz water with 1 pack Crystal Light White Cranberry Peach

1 shot raspberry vodka

I originally named this Korra because I was watching The Legend of Korra at the time, but I’d also already had three or four of them and I was pretty drunk. So now idk about the name. but this tastes like candy and it’s good.

Back to work

First day of work today.
It wasn't long. 3 hours.
But idk when I'm going back. I saw the schedule and it looked like I'm on there for tomorrow, but when I left, I was told don't come back till Friday.
I asked specifically "not tomorrow?" and was told "no, you're not on till Friday".
I did all I could to make sure and yet I'm still scared I'll be pulled in tomorrow, yelled at for not coming in when I was scheduled.

ugh.


oops, forgot to mention a random website I have bookmarked because I was totally going to do that every Monday.
anyways:

http://rainbowdash.net/group/northamptonbronies/

I'm only around the Northampton area while I'm in school, but I don't want to stop hanging out with awesome bronies while I'm there.
Although really, the Boston brony group is cooler.

UGH

I'm stuck going back to McDonald's.
I don't want to do this.
I may end up refusing the job just because I really do not want to do this.

Working is hard

So in my quest to be a professional writer, I accepted a job with a small starting website. They paid per article, and didn't pay that much, but it would add up to a nice little bonus in addition to whatever minimum wage job I got. Plus, experience.

I wrote ~40 articles for this site in the past few weeks (not very long articles obviously) and only 5 were accepted.
For those 5 articles, I got paid $20.
Not. Worth. It.

So you, wonderful (and currently imaginary) readers, get the leftover 30some articles. One a week, every Thursday, because I'm trying to add something to this blog beyond just me whining about my ex and hoping to get someone new.
Although I'll keep whining. (Today I had a computer issue and Mike was the one I turned to when I had issues and I miss him)

Today's article is something fitting for this blog:

5 Tips to Recover From a Broken Heart

Let’s face it: heartbreak sucks. No matter how old you are or how many relationships you’ve been in, when your heart is broken it can be the worst emotional pain you’ve ever felt. Your world is turned upside down, and you don’t know if you can ever get over it.

You can move on from the pain. You can heal your broken heart and get your life back. Here are some tips on how to do this.

Surround yourself with friends

Your loved one may have hurt you, but your friends will continue to support you. They’ll be the ones listening to your problems and telling you that this person who broke your heart is not worth it. You may not believe what they say right away, but having their support is better than being alone with your thoughts. Their words will make sense in time, and you’ll appreciate that they’re there for you.

Don’t try to control your thoughts

You may find yourself fantasizing about your lost love, and then you may find yourself trying to stop thinking about him or her. You can’t force this. If you tell yourself not to think of something, you’ll soon realize it’s all you can think about. (Don’t believe it? Try to avoid thinking of a white bear.) Instead of forcing your thoughts, when you find yourself daydreaming, just distract yourself from them. You’ll forget about the fantasies.

Rediscover yourself

Do you have any hobbies that you gave up for this man or woman? Now’s the time to go back to them. If you loved playing video games but your girlfriend hated them, you’ll soon stop thinking about her if you’re playing Diablo III. If you loved writing but your boyfriend never bothered to read your work, funnel your pain into writing a novel. You’ll feel great when it becomes a bestseller and you dedicate it to anyone but him.

Don’t isolate yourself

It’s easy to say now that you hate men/women. You’ll take negative attributes of your loved one and paint them onto everyone of the same gender. This is an extremely pessimistic view, and one that can be avoided. Don’t go out and try to date new people right away, but get out in the world and make new friends. Remember that this person who broke your heart is just one person, and not the world.

Forget about him or her

You may want him back. You may hate her now. This person is constantly in your thoughts now, and you can’t get over them if you keep thinking about them. The easiest way to forget is cut them out of your life. Pack away everything he gave you—don’t throw it out, just hide it from your view. Change her name in your phone to ‘Do Not Call’. This will be hard at first, but in time, you will forget, forgive, and move on.

now to take my own advice, huh?